Thursday, March 13, 2008

Trailer Trash

Galley Slaves takes a look at a few trailers for upcoming films and is decidedly underwhelmed. The first is a trailer for this year's sequel of 2003's film "Hulk". Based on the trailer, it seems like the new film's plot involves:
  • A white guy living on "Main Street" (not Main Street; "Main Street"), Pleasantville, USA has a secret.


  • The secret is that the white guy is actually a unstoppable, butt-kicking, combat machine. This causes the white guy to feel alienated from his non-violent, bobo society and leads to relationship stress between himself and his foxy, yet sweet, girlfriend.


  • The military chases the white guy because the military is composed of nothing but paranoid idiots. It remains unclear whether the possession of firearms makes one a paranoid idiot, or whether paranoid idiots are especially attracted to firearms.


  • White guy finally overcomes his violent tendancies at the exact moment that he needs violent tendancies to save the world. The white guy thus unleashes ultra-violent, world-saving, ultimate-fighting mojo on his enemies and, paradoxically, also heals his own relationship issues by doing so.
Galley Slaves also mentions the trailer for the upcoming "Speed Racer" movie, which, frankly, looks like it was directed and produced by George Lucas. The film basically looks like two hours of Anakin Skywalker pod racing against Sebulba from "The Phantom Menace", except that the on-screen physics looks a lot more realistic on planet Tatooine.

On the bright side, "Speed Racer" physics appears to be correct in the sense that the motion of a rigid race car can be decomposed into the motion of the car's center of mass coupled with the motion of the car around it's center of mass. It's physics seems to be incorrect in that a race car's center of mass always follows the racetrack regardless of the orientation of the car, the direction the wheels are pointing, or whether or not the wheels are even touching the ground. Our hero race car driver appears utterly unconcerned with the fact that his car perfectly follows the race track despite bouncing, spinning, and sliding around like a Butterball turkey rolling down a luge course.

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