Thursday, January 24, 2008

Carbon is the new "bling"*

The rich and trendy have finally caught on to the social implications of Al Gore's religious crusade against carbon consumption, because everybody knows that lives of stark, utilitarian carbon conservation are for the "little people". Call it carbon-consumption chic.

Our first winner in the carbon-consumption game is Beckham:
Beckham's Carbon Footprint — a measure of the impact human activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of green house gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide — may be the largest in human history.

No, Beckham isn't breathing any more or less than anyone else, but his extensive air travel for matches and endorsement obligations, along with his fleet of cars and homes, has provided the statistics for Carbon Trust.

The former England captain logged over 250,000 miles last year as he flew back and forth between the U.S. and Europe for England's European Championship qualifiers, while also participating in a Galaxy tour of Oceania in the latter part of the year.

Beckham and his wife Victoria also collected over 50,000 frequent flyer miles for advertising obligations around the globe.

Collectively, Beckham flew farther in 2007 than a trip from the earth to the moon.

At home, Beckham owns a fleet of 15 cars, including a Porsche, a Hummer and a Lincoln Navigator.
Beckham is heretofore destined to be a standing outrage to the environmental movement. The man's profession is kicking around an inflated rubber ball (occasionally beating it with his skull), yet he needs a fleet of gas-guzzling vehicles on stand-by in case he wants to spend more than 24 hours at a time in a single time zone. Yet the global-warming crowd can't even touch the guy. Posh Spice needs her carbon, baby!

Winner number two in the carbon consumption craze is Bono:
Acknowledging that a career in rock music was not always conducive to a green lifestyle, Bono compared a conversation with Gore to an act of religious contrition.

"It's like being with an Irish priest. You start to confess your sins," he said. "Father Al, I am not just a noise polluter, I am a noise-polluting, diesel-soaking, gulfstream-flying rock star.

"I'm going to kick the habit. I'm trying father Al, but oil has been very good for me -- those convoys of articulated lorries, petrochemical products, hair gel."
Don't you know who I am? I'm a bloody rock god. You can't take my carbon away from me!

* Technically speaking, much bling is made out of carbon.


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